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 Leonardo Cellini Da Venecia

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PostSubject: Leonardo Cellini Da Venecia   Thu Dec 11, 2014 8:33 am

Name: Leonardo Cellini Da Venicia

Age: 23

Affiliation: Assassin

Appearance: Profile Pic

Personality: Kind, but a bit overconfident at his own abilities. Brave

Favorite Weapons: Hidden Blade, Pistol attachment, Crossbow, Sword

Strengths:
Excellent at Parkour
Master of Disguise
Skilled Swordsman

Weaknesses: Both physical and psychological
Hates it when People are ignorant
Is annoyed when people are acting stupid

Background/Biography:
Leonardo was born into the assassins. His father subjected him to advanced training at a young age. His Father was extremely hard on him, because he knew he had potential. Leonardo Hated the Training and ran away. the lived on the streets for a long time He tried to pickpocket in order to get food, but he failed. He grew depressed, and contemplated suicide, but denied it. One night, when he was 14, on Carnivale, He saw some thieves kill and rob a Templar. leonardo didn't know the man was a templar, but, nonetheless, was drawn to the body. hee only found a mask. Donning the mask, he followed the thieves to their hideout. he confronted them, but they laughed, and attempted to kill him. much to their surprise, he could hold his own. The Thieves decided to take him under his wing, and throughout the next few years, he would don the mask, and become infamous as "The Masked bandit." throughout his travels, Leonardo learned more of the assassins and templars. he simply cast this information aside. When he was 19, he and his thieves were attacked by thugs hired by Templars. Leonardo was unscathed, however the thieves perished. He was distraught by this. he was kidnapped by the templars, and was forced to join them. He worked for a Man named Marco Bertucci, and grew a passionate hatred for him. under the 2 years, he worked for Bertucci, he learned of plans to take over all of italy. Leonardo ignored this, and he planned his escape. he was caught escaping, and was savagely beaten, before he killed the guard, and hid from the rest, before he finally escaped. when he got out, he needed a place to go. He searched for his old house hoping his parents would still take him in in his time of need. He found his parents were murdered. He went mad with Anger and sadness, and he vowed vengeance, and set off to Exterminate the templars.


Last edited by nano144man on Thu Dec 11, 2014 5:58 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Leonardo Cellini Da Venecia   Thu Dec 11, 2014 9:28 am

.... If anything. I'd say add more distinct info to your bio. Also, there's a lot of grammar errors here and there involving spelling. I'd say this has potential but it lacks any individuality.
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PostSubject: Re: Leonardo Cellini Da Venecia   Thu Dec 11, 2014 4:49 pm

And that appearance...
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PostSubject: Re: Leonardo Cellini Da Venecia   Thu Dec 11, 2014 5:44 pm

Essention wrote:
.... If anything. I'd say add more distinct info to your bio. Also, there's a lot of grammar errors here and there involving spelling. I'd say this has potential but it lacks any individuality.

okay, I changed my bio. Is it better?
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PostSubject: Re: Leonardo Cellini Da Venecia   Thu Dec 11, 2014 6:03 pm

.... You still need to add more. Check the applications of my characters for examples. Long, detailed, and explanatory. The character I see is... Sort of flat. Where do you go from there? How was his father hard on him? Was there a reason why he was kidnapped besides to forcibly convert him from Assassin to Templar?
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PostSubject: Re: Leonardo Cellini Da Venecia   Thu Dec 11, 2014 6:21 pm

Looks decent, just add a description for what he actually looks like under the mask though (I assume he has to take it off at some point). This is a good start, just try and keep the suggestions of the others in mind in the future. Now go out there and assassinate some Templars! APPROVATO
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